


Bluebird

by hands0me_rhys



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Insecurities, M/M, PTSD, Past resentment, Revelations, Self-Hatred, Sleep Paralysis, Sleepy Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2018-12-30 17:59:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12114150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hands0me_rhys/pseuds/hands0me_rhys
Summary: Jason doesn't think he's worth loving. Dick wants to prove to him just how wrong he was.





	1. I.

* * *

Jason was not the type of person that opened up to people. He's a smart ass. He doesn't listen to anyone. He's not a team player. _Red Hood_ , he called himself. _Red Hood_ , they whisper on street corners when the echoes of gunfire flood Gotham. _My biggest regret_ , cried a mournful man who failed to save him. _I_   _lost_   _him_ , he said, yet let his killer walk free. _Street rat_ , he knew himself to be. Tim Drake, a replacement for what was lost. Damian Wayne, the spawn of a man Jason would hate till the day he died. Again. Dick Grayson— well, Dick, a light that slipped between his fingers. Or maybe will. He was afraid to know the answer to that, but he's come to accept it. A dead boy didn't have the luxury of loving someone who was still all there, _alive_. 

Jason slid the window sill open, crawling through with ungraceful boots on a wooden floorboard. He was never destined to be slim, lithe, like Richard. That was okay, though. He'd watch Dick do yoga in the living room of his crummy apartment all day if he could. His fingers found the end of his helmet, tentative when placing it on the dresser and closing the window. "Jay?" The voice is soft, worried. It took everything in him not to break down, then and there. Retreat to the touch of a soothing lover, a warm bed, his body heat, the smell of shampoo in his hair— what he would give, to have never been subjected to the life of masks and capes, to settle down and be with Dick like he wanted to. To a life that never knew Bruce Wayne, or the terrors that kept him awake at night. 

"Hey, blue bird." Jason cursed himself. That hoarseness of his voice caught on. Dick shifted his body, turned his head. Jay swallowed. He smelled like blood. He was coated in it, too. It wasn't his, though. "Jason." The man repeated, slower this time. Dick pulled the cover back. He pat the empty space beside him. Jason was relieved. "Must have missed me, huh? Got cozy in _my_ bed." Jason could play it off. He knew how to— he'd been doing it since he stuck one foot out of the grave. Richard could see right through him. Like he was transparent. "I always miss you." Dick muttered in the pale moonlight, laying on his back.

"I thought you'd be home. I brought dinner." Jason felt the corners of his mouth tug sadly in response. Dick came to the apartment and waited for him all night. Jason didn't deserve him. No one deserved him. Not even the bat. The broad man began undressing, starting with his utility belt and the guns that came with it. He peeled off two layers of clothing, down to his boxers, and then fell into the bed beside Dick. "I'm sorry, wonder boy." It's all he could manage to say. This would be the fourth time Dick stopped by, with the house key Jason had given him, to an empty home. 

"Don't be." Richard reached out, ran the flat of his palm between Jason's shoulder blades. Dick closed his eyes. God, he looked beautiful even now. "I'll make it up to you, bird. I promise." Dick smiled some. He looked worn out, about the same as Jason felt within himself. "You're here now." The remark made the younger man's heart ache. He reached out and twined his fingers with his boyfriend. Jason fell asleep the moment he closed his eyes. 

Jay woke up twenty minutes later, eyes hazed when his gaze worked from the darkness and adjusting. His blue bird, limp but still loosely holding his hand. Jason couldn't move. His eyes leer to a corner in the room. There's a shadow casted, red lips and a sickening look on it's face. It took a step forward. Jason struggled, breaking from it's gaze and squeezing his eyes shut. The bloody laugh it made, crimson spilling to the floor, it chilled his entire being. It took everything for him to not look again, and for the next hour, he stayed that way until he could stretch his fingers and move his jaw. His first inhale is desperate, and again he opened his eyes. It's gone. Like always. He wondered if he was losing it, if maybe isolation was finally getting to him, out of all things. 

Dick was still frustratingly beautiful, sleeping soundly. Sometimes Jason thought about how much he hated him. Then he'd think about how much he loved him. Relationships were complicated. Jay hadn't called it that, and probably wouldn't say it out loud, well.. ever. He knew that Dick was loyal, but a part of him ached at the thought of the older man intimate with other people— Barb, Wally, Kori. There's things Dick won't tell him, things he refused to talk about. Jason was okay with that, though. God knows he wasn't an open book himself. Yet that small part of him hated the idea, wanting Richard to be completely his.. but that isn't fair, is it? Jason blatantly wanting Dick to wait around for him for the rest of their lives. That wasn't fair at _all_.

Jay shifted from his spot on the bed, his brief paralysis episode lost in his determination. He wrapped an arm over Dick's waist and pulled him close, the older man's back against his chest. Jason swallowed, the smell of pine and shampoo somehow comforting. "Dickiebird?" He muttered, and Richard hummed, half-asleep. Jay only hoped his lover wouldn't remember the conversation he was about to initiate. "Could you learn to love me?" He whispered, and Dick squeezed him with unfathomable strength as he twisted his head. Jason's lips brushed against his jaw. "I _already_ love you." The older man's eyes were closed still, but Jason could hear that calmness in his tone. The warmth residing there made his stomach roll pleasantly. He found it hard to believe, but it eased his anxieties that built up there. "In what way?" Jay questioned quietly, and his lover's eyes fluttered. Jason eased his left arm, previously slung around his partner's waist, up Richard's torso and griped loosely around his neck. It's not tight, but he could almost hear the older man _purr_.

"In what way, Dick?" He repeated unevenly, pressing his teeth against the man's shoulder. Richard's gaze became apparent, the slim and lithe man twisting some to look him in the eye. "What's wrong?" Jason regretted waking him up, because now Dick was attentive and determined to find the solution. "Nothing.. nothing. I'm fine. I was just joking, Grayson." The older man stilled, his expression falling. Jason shouldn't have said that. "I wasn't." The older man responded, kissing the corner of his mouth and struggling to turn his body. Jason gave him the room, and fingers card through matted curls. Dick held his palm there, brushing his thumb along his cheek. Dick's told him he loved him a few times already. Each time he does, Jay began to believe him. It only made him realize that he hasn't said it to his partner. _Ever_. 

"Why?" Jason mummered, and Dick pressed their mouths together. He doesn't waste time, nipping at his older partner's lower lip and pushing his tongue past a pretty mouth with no resistance. Dick smelled good, tasted good— Jason grunted when  the other man ground against him. They're one layer away from each other. Jason wanted it gone. His fingers slide past the waistband of his lover's briefs, groping his ass with intent and lingering there. "Let me show you." Dick said, and it was more a question than it was a statement. Jay licked the inside of his mouth, and cracked a tired smirk. "How so, birdie?" Richard pushed at his hips, and Jason laid back on the mattress— Dick shifted, and straddled his waist. Jason wished he would be the only person to see this. Dick's body is something to marvel; there's faint scars littering his body, his spine curving deliciously and his eyes heavenly to look into. His best feauture _might_ be his ass, and of course, Dick knew that. He's a cocky little shit. Jason loved that about him.

"Did you get into a fight?" Dick paused some, but he ground down on his cock— Jay huffed and snorted some. "You're asking that now?" His grasp on Dick's hips was bruising when the lithe man gyrated back against his groin. "You don't have to answer me. That's okay." Dick was breathy within that span of time, a small noise escaping his throat when he pressed particularily tight against Jason. He's endearing, the way he's trying to hold himself up and not let his weight fall on the younger man, or even make too loud of a noise. But Dick has always been.. vocal, and it drove Jason crazy. Dick's trying to make him feel better, in one of the few ways he knew how to with someone like him. Jay felt raw, exposed. The rings under his lover's eyes were a vibrant mix of pink hues and soft purple. Sleep deprevation, a forming black eye— Jason frowned. "Hey. What's the matter?" He eased his hold some, rubbing his thumbs carefully into Dick's skin. He was hard, stifling the urge to fuck Dick into the mattress. It's one of his favorite past times.

Right now, though, he wanted to be slow. He wanted to see him break down into nothing but a pliant mess of post-orgasm bliss. "Your lip's bleeding." The older man responded casually, and Jason pressed his thumb nail into Dick's right hip, a crescent shape easily forming there even in the darkness of their bedroom (when did he start calling it theirs?). "Don't worry 'bout it." Jason breathed the words slow, steady, but Dick ran his thumb on his bottom lip and swiped freshly drawn blood from it. "What hurts, Jay?" He sounded so concerned. Jason wrapped his palm over his partner's wrist. "Specify, sweetheart." Dick didn't flinch from his touch. He was still, but his hand was relatively loose in Jason's rough grasp. "I'll go home. If it's what you want." The younger man growled at that. "This _is_ your home. Isn't that what _you_ want?" Richard eyelashes framed his face so delicately. When he closes his eyes, they brush against his cheekbones. Jason wanted to drown in the blue-grey pools that peered back at him. He never wanted to let go, and yet, all he seemed to do was push people away. 

"It doesn't matter what I want. Tell me what you need, little wing." 


	2. II.

Jason repressed it, the pitiful knot in his stomach and the urgency to be held— to be wanted. _Tell me what you need_. What _did_ he need? "There are a lot of things I want, Grayson." He responded, and Dick settled his weight on his partner's waist. The older man cupped his cheek, and Jason was too weak willed to keep the grasp he had on his wrist— so he let Dick brush the pad of his thumb under his eye, and his fingers brush easily against the side of his neck. "Like what?" The hero's voice softened, and Jay felt the cold sweats pour down his spine in tremors. "I want my life before the bat. I want to think that Bruce cared. I _wanted_ to live." He paused. "I want you." Jason slid his palm over the older man's knuckles. Dick's eyes are simultaneously empathetic. "I need you, bird." He wanted to say it. Three words, that's all it would take. Three words, and Dick won't let him go. 

Three words, and he'll convince Richard to stay— forever. Dick didn't deserve this kind of life. Wondering, day to day, if one of them would even come home. Staying up late and waiting, only to realize that Jason wasn't coming. Never getting the affection he wanted— not until he's slurred and fleeting. Jason was not a good friend. He wasn't a good brother, son, or partner. He was a mistake. "Hey," Dick's tone is so comforting. He wiped something from Jason's cheek, and when the younger man began to come back to him— he realized he's crying. The tears leak from there, spilling down his cheeks. He couldn't utter a word, not even a noise. Richard wrapped an arm under his neck, craning him close, and Jason slid his own around Dick's waist. 

"I love you." The words were whispered sweetly against his ear. Jason wept, and his shoulders shake in silent mourning. But of what— why? This isn't the person that was built up from the ashes of Jason Todd. This isn't the Hood, and it wasn't the facade of a deadly man. Who was he, if he wasn't the monster he built around himself? Dick was comfortably slotted against him, his heart thrumming against Jason's collarbone. The older man pressed his mouth against his jaw, his index finger loose over the pulse on the younger's neck. Jason gripped the back of his left thigh, squeezing the bare skin just beneath his briefs. "You shouldn't." Jay felt the drop in his stomach. Dick sighed briefly, and laced his fingers over the nape of his neck. They're huddled together like this for only a few minutes, but to Jason, it felt like a lifetime he never wanted to end. "But I _do_. Nothing could change that." The younger man turned his head, leaning into his partner's scent. "You have shit taste."

Dick sat up, easing from the embrace and settling back down onto his stomach. Jason was aching, _fuck_ , his toes are numb from the craving. Hearing Dick, in all of his sincerity, coo sweet statements that lull him from the grips of depression— something burned deep inside of himself at the thought. _What do you need from me?_ Those pretty lips, maybe, stretched around his cock. "You're not a bad person, Jason." _Jason, Jason, Jason._ "How would you know?" His older partner wretched his fingers into his hair, a fistful of curls when he forced his mouth over Jay's— it's teeth and tongue, and god, this might be the only man he'd ever let this close. Jason ran open palms over the back end of his thighs, just below his ass before he kneaded both hands around them. 

"You're soft, Jay." He whispered unsteadily, groaning when Jason bit at his lower lip and then his jaw. "We both know that." Dick added, and Jason bit at his skin. He sucked a bruise into the tan pigment, and prodded his thumbs in the curve of his partner's ass. The younger man chuckled dryly, his thumb hooking on the band of his under wear. "Are you sure we're talking about the same person?" Jason felt the need to push the thoughts deep down, but Dick has a way about him that made it hard to. The older man played with his hair, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. "Just the one, little wing." His heart ached, and Jay sighed softly into the kiss.   He grunted in protest when Dick shifted, almost like he might get up, and he pulled at his hip while the other man rummaged through the bedside dresser. Dick wasn't clumsy; anything he does with his body was intentional, deliberate. The way his spine curved, the bob in his throat when he swallowed, that little quirk of his lips when he thought something he said was clever. 

Dick laughed, bubbling past his lips. "I'm not going anywhere. Give me a second." He's got that teasing look on his face, but there's something warmer beneath it. Jason didn't like the pity he'd receive from Tim or Bruce— Damian, jesus, that kid was just a bratty bundle of rage. The young boy was obscenely protective of Dick, and that made it harder for the two to spend time together this way. Damian somehow always butt into people's business at the very wrong time.  "I'd like it _better_ if you were giving my junk some attention—" The hero swat at his shoulder, and Jason sneered in response. "What? You started it. With all the grinding and the moaning.. and the _'Oh, Jason, I love you so much!'_ " The impression is fluttery and over-zealous. His grin was widening, and his chest felt lighter. He's so fucking happy, even if he was crying not even ten minutes ago. "I don't sound like that." Dick smacked his lips, and when he finally sat back on the younger man's hips, he popped the cap off the tube in his hand. " _I don't sound like tha_ t." Jay mocked, and his partner rolled his eyes. "You're making it really hard to find the motivation to sit on your dick."

Jason avoided the urge to make a filthy comment about his name— the smirk on his face said it all. Richard still leaned down, catching him in an open mouthed kiss. Jay dragged down his briefs, palm wrapping around his half-hard erection. He gives him a tug, and pre-cum builds at the head, sliding down his knuckles. Dick purred some, but he nudged at Jason's wrist while lube slid decisively in his palm. He discarded of his underwear entirely, throwing them carelessly to the floor. The younger man huffed, but he's greeted by a welcome sight— Dick slouched over him, coating his fingers in slick, and then his left arm wound around his back. His skin felt hot by the time the hero pushed his index and middle finger inside. Dick muttered something incoherent, rocking hips down onto his own fingers. Jay placed his hands back on his thighs, nipping at his lover's shoulder. "Fuck." The groan that left him was lewd, his skin hot when he dropped his forehead on Jason's chest. The younger man cupped the back of his neck, lulling his lover against him. "God, you're beautiful. Hear me, blue?" He muttered against Dick's head, stroking his hair. Dick laughed some, mouthing along his chest.

It's teasing, the way he nipped his skin. Dick slid the flat of his tongue over a nipple, shifting some to find a more comfortable position. Jason hummed appreciatively, kneading calloused fingers into the flesh of his partner's thighs. It's only for a few minutes that Dick rocked on his own fingers. By the time he's grown impatient, the older man pawed at his boxers and made the effort to get them down to Jason's knees. He wiped the excess lube on his cock. Jay exhaled happily, both hands wrenching to settle on Dick's hips.  "No rubber?" The younger questioned softly, and the hero smoothed back Jason's curls. "Seeing someone else?" Richard responded, but they both knew the answer to that— or at least, Jason hoped he knew. "No. Was that never specified?" He grinned softly. Dick looked somewhat unreadable, like he's having too many thoughts all at once. "Darn. Better break it off with my other twelve—" The older man quipped, and Jason bucked up, lining himself up to his lover's entrance. Dick whined some in surprise, but he slid down almost instantaneously.

It's probably one of the filthiest things he's seen, knowing that Dick fit so perfectly around him. He grunted, the walls tight and the squelching noise insanely sinful. It's like Dick was made for this, his pretty face and his frustratingly beautiful body littered in past scars that Jason wanted to know everything about but was simultaneously too afraid to ask. That's what it always panned down to; Jason being afraid of not being enough. "Sorry, just— hold on. Too fast?" Jay stopped his lover before he began rocking, grasp far more gentle than it had once been. "I'm _fine_ , Jaybird." Dick ground down forcibly, until he's groaning when the head of his cock barely brushed past the nerves inside him. Dick Grayson was not breakable; Jason should know that by now, but god, he's scared of hurting him. _Again_. The older man raised himself up, and then once again sunk back down on the other, soft moans leaving him all the while. The bed creaked at the slightest movement, and when Dick rode him, the headboard smacked dully into the wall behind it. Dick was open mouthed, his pleasured whimpers enough to send Jason looking for more touch— he was struggling to find somewhere to be as far inside as he possibly could— he hooked his palm under Dick's knees, and when he flipped them over, it's his lover that's making those drooling, insatiable noises.

Jay forced his knees to his chest, pressing hard kisses and teeth on his neck. "Please—  _fuck."_ Dick keened, wrapping his legs around Jason's waist and his arms over his neck. The younger man loved that helpless whimpering, the sob that left Dick when he struck his prostate. Jason breathed hotly against his ear, biting the lobe and groaning against his skin. "Jason.. I love you, I love you.." He had his poor bird pinned underneath him, pleading for this release, this love, _Jason_. How did someone like Dick love him? How does that _happen_?

 _But I do. Nothing is going to change that_. 

"Fuck— I _need_ you." Jason whispered, and Dick's whimpering when Jay wrapped a hand around his cock and stroked him through orgasm. Dick's abdomen was coated in his own cum, the little bird still weeping while Jason rocked into him. His embrace was unwavering, holding Jason when he came inside of him, leaking when he pulled out. He still doesn't get up, instead wrapping his arms under Dick's back and holding him there. The older man was out of it for those few moments, sniffling some and burrowing his face in Jason's neck. "Hey, baby boy. Y'okay?" He rubbed Dick's spine, trying to soothe his post-orgasm shaking, the older man making a noise in response. "I'll take that as a yes." Jason grinned some against his temple, pecking his cheek. "Let me get a rag, birdie. I'll be right back." Dick's hesitant, like he thought Jason might leave, but his arms went lax and he let Jay get up. There's a frown on his face, bordering a pout, and Jason kicked his side lightly when he got up. "Don't make that face. I'll be back, one minute." 

He pulled his boxers back on, retreating to the bathroom for a warm rag and then to the kitchen to fill a glass of water. He took a drink, though he decidedly found himself too lazy to carry two glasses. Instead he brought the one for Dick, setting it on the dresser. The older man's eyes are closed, his sweet face so peaceful. Jason wished it could always be like this for them. His weight dipped on the bed, and Dick's eyes slid open some. Jason snorted, squeezing his calf when the other man stretched his leg out intentionally to spite him. Jay wiped him down, over his belly and then between his legs. He did his best not to disturb his lover, but Richard was making it hard with how much he's trying to get Jason back into the bed to cuddle. 

Dick took a drink of water before he finally dug under the covers, fully nude and in no way showing signs of putting anything back on. He's shameless, and in that aspect, Jason loved. He slung the rag down, leaving it only to worry for tomorrow, climbing into bed and under the covers. Dick slung an arm over his waist, humming happily when the younger man wrapped an arm over his shoulders. "Hey." Jason started, and Dick laid his head against his chest. "Hey, yourself." The younger smacked his lips at the remark, and Dick chuckled. "I think.. I really like that you're here, when I get back." Jay said softly, straight from the warmth in his chest, prattling around in his ribcage. "Me too." Dick responded, smiling some in confusion. "I'm usually here when you do. What changed?" The older man added, and Jason shrugged. "I don't know." 

He did know. Fuck, did he. Those pretty blue-gray eyes are on him again, and Jason felt his stomach in knots. His lips part. "I love you." The only person, the only man he'd ever let this close into his heart. Jason loved him. He really, _really_ loved him. Dick kissed his shoulder, the grin that lingered making Jason's face flush. "I know." Jay scoffed playfully, his uneasiness cut like the once thick air he'd lived in. "Oh, you _know_ , do you? Cocky shit." Dick laughed, his shoulders shaking. "I love you, too, Jay." Dick's still laughing when Jason pressed his mouth against his own. 


End file.
